Bangkok Shakes - Hanoi Rocks

John LINDGREN


Bangkok Spye

For donkey’s years or as the Swedes say “for donkey’s ears” Bangkok Spye has been bumping in to people on the sidewalks and the footpaths, on MTR & BTS platforms, in the supermarkets and on the pedestrian bridges of Krung Theep Mananakorn also known as Bangkok.

Not because I am dyslectic, dyspeptic nor is it the pre-Alzheimer’s. Is it that my navigation system, my GPS, works on a different frequency? When I turn left they turn left. Left right and left again. Brake. Thumm! Not to mention that I am a brisk walker. Walk the walk and talk the talk. I also talk too fast. And a tad, too loud.

Although I am mostly behind the wheel of my 1600cc Nassin Eon, that’s Nissan Neo backwards. So when I have a chance to walk in the city I want the maximum exercise out of it. And my speed walking results in bumping in to Bangkokians small and tall, young and old. Or they bump in to me. Sudden lane changes, unexpected u-turns. Citizens making stationary promotional DTAC cell phone calls in the middle of the busy sidewalk.

Just like Bangkok traffic. Organized confusion or confusion organized. The worst is the right hand turn and all the street vendors, food stalls, the blind and the lame sitting on the footbridges. And the occasional obese three-legged brown mutt.

What’s the remedy? To keep walking far left. And slower speed from 5th to 3rd gear. Thailand drives on the left like the rest of Asia, India and Australia except China. So Bangkok Spye keeps walking adamantly far left close to buildings, shops and railings. Keep far left hand and nobody will cut in front you. If you see someone walking very close to walls building and building sites and footbridges – it’s Bangkok Spye walking the walk on the footpaths of Bangkok.

In 2006 the Bangkokians learned a new French percent word: coup d’etat. Its not revolution it’s “Kuu De Taa”. Germans call it putsch, Bangkok Spye prefers coup d’etat. Sounds more civilized. Other civilized French words: Champagne, Fois Gras (Goose Liver) pity the geese – but it’s damn tasty, Camembert and of course, comme ci – comme ca. “So – so”. I know a Frenchman Monsieur Yves Democrat. Cool name! He is a fine saxophone player and plays regularly at the Grand Hyatt lobby bar from nine pm onwards. Democrat, but in Thai-English democracy is one of those difficult words. Usually pronounced: “demo-crazy!” Just like electricity is always referred to as “electric-city!”

Another cool name these days is Sonthi or Sondhi. Not any of ex Prime Minister, ex Caretaker Prime Minister Doctor Taxin Shinawatra’s favorite Thai names. The two Sonthis. Sonthi I and Sondhi II. Sonthi I “newspaper Walla” Limthongkul did the groundwork in the park with in front of huge crowds shouting “Get Out! Orrk Pai!” Firing up the masses according to the textbook “Elementary Demagogy”.
Then came the Thailand’s first Muslin army-commander-in-chief a four-star General Sonthi Boonyaratglin and executed the second part taking over the radio, TV stations rolling out the tanks and the Humvees in the dead of the night for additional effect and to avoid traffic jam. And next day BIG headlines in the English language dailies Bangkok Post: COUP D’ETAT and the Nation COUP! And Bangkok on the map of world media for a day.
Now everything is post Coup and post grand opening of Suwanna poom. The last on craft to land on the old tarmac was a Kuwaiti Airbus and the first to plane land on the new runway was a German “Luftwaffe” LH Boeing 747 cargo. Who cares about the second and the third flight. Suwanna poom is now on-line and the old Don Muang off-line. But Bangkok aeronautically is still BKK – Bangkok Shakes and Hanoi Rocks as a pre-Nokia Finland punk band used to sing.

Tempus Fugit